Ever feel as though you were trapped in an auditory wasteland, constantly bombarded by words from the radio, TV, family, coworkers, and clients trying to snag your attention? You attempt to attend patiently to what people are saying, but too often you find that you really aren’t heeding their words.

Remember the last time you were caught pretending to listen? You were nodding your head and saying “uh-huh” and “umm” in all the appropriate places, but then the other person asked a question and you had to admit that your mind was wandering elsewhere. Doing this with a friend is reproachable but usually forgivable. Do this with a patron, and it may be the last time.

Like you, I was taught as a youngster to read and write but never received formal training in how to exchange information effectively. It wasn’t until I graduated from veterinary school that Dr. Chuck Acton, the chief of staff at the hospital where I served my internship, ignited my passion in compelling communications. I sought out books, classes, and specialized instruction in verbal discourse. For the past two decades, I have shared what I have discovered with my colleagues all over the United States and internationally through lectures and journal articles. I would like to share what I have learned about one of the most critical components of effective communications: listening.

Stumbling Blocks to Listening
There is a myriad of stumbling blocks to the process of listening. Some of these obstructions may be found between our ears; others are in our surroundings. How can we scale these barriers? First we need to recognize them.

In our hectic lives, preoccupation is all too common. We are in a hurry. We multitask, which can result in listening with “half an ear.” Are we truly being more productive or are we really just ignoring the speaker, hoping they will go away so we can resume what we perceive to be more important? It often takes less time to stop what we are doing, concentrate on the person, respond, and begin again with a clear head. “Git ‘er done” the first time.

What if you sincerely don’t have the latitude to take up another subject? Be honest with yourself and the petitioner. “I would love to address this issue, but this is not a good time for me. When can we take this up in the future?”

Distractions take many forms: noisy surroundings, irrelevant thoughts, and boisterous children to name a few. It is not always possible to establish a tranquil setting, but you can turn down the volume of an iPod or TV. Try moving away from the noise or closing a door.

I love when a child comes with his or her parents for their pet’s examination. This is an opportunity for me to educate the next generation of pet owners. But children can derail a train of thought faster than a landslide. When I find that one of my office calls involves a youngster, I attempt to optimize the chances that they are quiet bystanders rather than exuberant participants. My secret? Provide the child with a coloring book (no crayon – I recommend that they imagine what colors they will use when they get home, saving many a wall) or inexpensive interactive bauble – something that will distract them and that they can take with them. Parents are extremely appreciative. It builds good will and lessens tension for everyone. When this is not feasible, a quick trick is to focus concertedly on the other person. Establish eye contact or, if you feel more comfortable, center your attention on their lips.

The “been there, done that” mind set can cause you to prejudge or anticipate. The consequence is the closing of your ears and mind before you have given the speaker a chance.

During the hot summer months, an all-too-common complaint is the itching, biting pet. I know even before I walk through the door that the pet has fleas. I have my mentally prerecorded spiel ready to go. The owner swears there are no fleas in the home. They insist that if there are any, it is the result of picking them up at my facility. (Granted, the dog or cat is not afforded any routine flea preventive measures, and parasite control in the home and environment is lacking.) Sound familiar?

Once I have examined the pet and find a lack of external parasites, I realize that I have put the itch before the bug. I now need to retract my monologue and rethink what is plaguing the pet. (Routine internal and external parasite control is still essential for the health of the pet and its family.)

When I feel this déjà vu sensation coming over me, I try to take a moment and listen for nuances that let me know this may be a unique scenario. Keep your mind neutral. Be open to what transpires. By avoiding prejudging, you can side step time-consuming mistakes and potentially embarrassing faux pas.

If it is the same old thing again (the pet really does have fleas), this may be an indication that a situation has not been remedied. Maybe you need to give the person a handout on flea control or direct them to visit their veterinarian (never a bad idea). Address the situation now so you won’t have it “hear it” again. What if you just can’t get through to the other person? There are times when all you can do is inform them that they have special needs that you are unable to meet and strongly recommend that they seek services elsewhere.

Advertisers and politicians know that people have shockingly short attention spans and feed us their messages in sound bites. We craft our own bites by picking out the information we want to hear and ignoring the rest. There are dangers to this type of data distillation. It lends itself to the twisting of messages and the misinterpretation of words that are taken out of context.

Even the tone of voice and gender of the speaker can act as roadblocks to paying attention accurately. Studies have shown that people listen half as long to a female voice than that of a male. If the woman is upset and the pitch becomes strident, we tune out even faster. This is totally an unconscious phenomenon. It doesn’t imply that we deliberately tune out a woman because we believe that what she has to say is less important. It is a function of the more hypnotic, baritone quality of the masculine voice. Who would you rather listen to: James Earl Jones or Shirley Jones? Who provides us with more of our news: men or women?

Children are experts at interruption and redirection. If a youngster is about to be reprimanded by a parent, watch how skillfully they change the subject over and over again. The hope is that the relative will experience abject frustration and just give up or concentrate on a lesser indiscretion.

Listeners can exhibit similar behavior. Don’t want to be a part of a contentious dialogue? It happened to me just the other day. My hospital experienced an outbreak of a mild but irksome upper respiratory infection in our boarding dogs. Though we informed the owners of the nonfatal, transient nature of the condition and provided medication at no charge, one anxious pet parent was furious and demanded to speak to me. She launched into a tirade the moment I entered the exam room. (If someone is upset, direct them to a private area whenever possible. Some people enjoy putting on a show for bystanders.)

I allowed her to vent, but when my best attempts to defuse the situation were useless, I found that I began to describe a litany of other medical conditions that her pet was suffering from, ones that she had not addressed. I explained that those concerned me more than a simple cold. I caught myself and did the wisest thing I could. I closed my mouth and let her talk it out. She talked herself out. We came to an understanding, and she left concerned but understanding. How do you best scale this roadblock to effective listening? Open your ears and close your mouth.

Tips to Improve Listening
You will be all ears once you are aware of which stumbling blocks are sabotaging your ability to listen successfully. You may fall victim to only one or maybe more. Don’t beat yourself up. Be patient with yourself. Don’t try to tackle all of your pitfalls at once. Concentrate on one until you find that you have mastered it.

Not sure where your weaknesses lie? Try tucking a small tape recorder into your pocket for a few hours. Play back the conversations. Be honest with yourself. Did you get the gist of what was being said at the time or did you miss the point? Did you monopolize the conversation? Were you a better listener than you thought? Just like the punch line to the old joke… How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice.

Get involved in the discourse. Encourage the speaker. This reveals your curiosity and demonstrates your “buy in” to the dialogue. Reduce the level of distractions as much as possible. Keep your mind focused on the matter at hand. If you find your mind straying, take notes. This practice demonstrates to the speaker that you believe what they have to say is credible and worthy of documenting. If you are seated during the interaction, sit up straight, lean forward, keep eye contact, and look like you are interested. Assume a “listening attitude.”

Listen with both sides of your brain. Listen with logic and empathy. The left brain allows us to listen for facts and details. The right brain enables us to listen for feelings and ideas. If your right brain gets carried away and you overreact emotionally or defensively, excuse yourself and collect your thoughts. Ask yourself, “Why am I reacting as I am? What buttons is this person pushing, and how can I regain control of my ability to listen?” Never assume you completely understand what someone else has said. When in doubt, ask questions. Paraphrase what you think you have heard. A few deep breaths may also help.

Being in a public service industry can be frustrating. You most likely consider yourself an expert in your field. What can you do when others refuse to heed your counsel? It would be so much easier if you could just force them into doing what is best – what you want them to do. This doesn’t work in the long run. Don’t be dogmatic. Don’t order. Don’t patronize.

You can’t force a person to change their mind. You can allow them to make a new decision. This is accomplished by giving them new information or by presenting the old data in a different format. People want answers. We need to educate. When the health of a pet is at stake, compliance is vital. Encourage the pet owner to join your team.

Techniques and tips are helpful, but people know when you are sincerely trying to understand what they are saying and when you are merely giving “ear service” to their words. Take the time. Learn to listen. You may soon hear success knocking at your door.

“A wise man listens; a fool just waits until it is his turn to speak.” – Unknown

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